My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
