I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
