I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
