My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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