I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
