is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
