Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
