u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
