I want to make a zoo with you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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