You're my little dorito
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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