you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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