I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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