Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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