When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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