just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
