the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
