you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
