I heard we made out
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
false alarm. still invincible.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
