Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
