pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
