I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
