I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
