Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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