He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
