Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
