I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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