What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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