Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
