dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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