i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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