I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
