so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
