i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
