I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
