i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
