you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
