Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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