Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
