If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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