Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
