literally had 100 drinks last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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