rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
