you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
