I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
