first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
