We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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