From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
