Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
pray to the hookup gods
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
