It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
