she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
